What can I do?

Shortly before my 35th birthday there was severe flooding in the neighbouring province. There was a particularly sad case in which a house was severely damaged, a man killed, and a widow left with 2 small children. As is typical when such news is heard, I felt bad and wanted to help. Since I had already invited several friends to celebrate my birthday with me, I asked them not to bring gifts. Instead, I wanted them to make a donation for this woman. Some still brought flowers, but generally it went over fairly well.

A few years later, I was fulfilling my practical experience requirement for my psych degree by working for CARE. Specifically, that office dealt with disabled immigrant workers and refugees seeking political asylum. My heart went out to my clients, who had to get by on extremely little. They were so grateful for our services, helping them deal with various authorities to handle health care, insurance, and applying for citizenship. Around that time, I decided to organize a small benefit concert. I’d only been doing music for a couple of years, but thought it would be a good idea. It went over well, and the audience was generous. I divided the money among 3 clients.

One was a young family with 2 small children. They were Kurds and had fled from Turkey. I had spent the past few months teaching the wife German once a week. She was illiterate, which made it quite a challenge, but she did well. Another client was no longer able to work, due to a severe accident that nearly cost him his life. He wasn’t able to get around well and spent a lot of time at home watching TV. At one point, his TV died. We had an old one in the cellar, so I brought it to him. He had tears in his eyes when I delivered it. Unfortunately, that one also went out a few months later. I picked it up and had it repaired for him, using some of my own money and some money that I’d collected at yet another concert. The third client was also ill. He was an immigrant who had worked in this country for 30 years, but never bothered to apply for citizenship. Thus he was denied certain benefits. We helped him through the procedure of attaining citizenship.

The music was a late gift. I didn’t realize I wanted to be a musician until I was 35 years old! I am so grateful to have found this hobby, which is also like a therapy for me. Early on I decided to use any money made at concerts for other people. I had received the music as a gift, and I wanted to pass this gift onto others.

When it was time for my next round number - the big 4-0, there was no doubt about what I wanted. My friends were getting used to it by now, and I was quite adept at writing the invitation. I wanted no presents, no books, no wine, not even flowers! I explained that I was doing it partially for selfish reasons. I hate to clean and dust, and many gifts end up as dust catchers. Plus, I explained, I live in abundance. I have a roof over my head, enough clothes to wear, I can buy the groceries I need, I have drinkable running water, and I have a bunch of books and CDs, a guitar and an amplifier. What more could I possibly want?

Since I was still in contact with my former clients, I used the birthday money again for them. We moved the following year. The only reason I mention that is because my 45^th birthday was in a new town with new friends, who didn’t know about the donation history. Since I had a good amount of practice, I wrote the best invitation yet - as a poem, with exact instructions about bringing money and no gifts! This was a challenge, because the people in this small town are very proper and I knew they would have a difficult time not bringing anything. I knew they would be afraid that if they really brought nothing, they might be the only ones.

This time I also sought a new recipient. Believe me, one doesn’t have to look far to find someone in need. I found a family with a handicapped child who needed expensive therapy. A friend had told me about the family, and brought me there to bring them the money. The parents were so grateful, and laughed when I told them that I was really doing it just to avoid dust catchers. The child’s mother and I really hit it off and ended up chatting away for a couple of hours.

In the spring I had been one of 12 finalists in a song competition. Our 12 songs were recorded onto a CD which was sold as a benefit for another family with a handicapped child. That, by the way, was how I met the friend who introduced me to the above family.

In the spring, I gave my first concert in this town. It was an official gig and I got paid! I used the money to purchase 15 CDs which were delivered to the winners of a raffle. (All of the money from the CD went to this family.)

After the tsunami I convinced my husband to use his Christmas bonus to buy a tent for those who had survived but had no home. A friend of ours and his wife have used their Christmas money as a donation for years, rather than give each other presents.

Why am I telling you this? I don’t want to brag, make myself look good, or pat myself on the back. By talking about it, I want to show how we can do little things to help in every day life. We are meant to help each other. Rather than simply say I donated the money, I like to tell the story of the personal interaction. When these people are not anonymous, they are more real. Besides money, they need interaction as well. Many of them are on the edge of society, feel ashamed, like outcasts, and they avoid people - or simply don’t have much opportunity to interact.

My actions won’t change the world or even make a dent in global need. But it’s a start, and the more of us who help, the more can be done. Imagine what one hundred, one thousand, one million or ten million people can do!

I would like to suggest a space where people could write in about their acts of generosity. My idea is to collect these, and see just how much was accomplished in a certain space of time - six months, a year, whatever. It’s not just about money, either. Spending an afternoon with someone who is ill or bedridden is also a kind gesture. Often there is a tendency to think: “Oh, my little bit won’t help.” This would prove that it does!

I know someone who has built a school in Nepal for the Tibetan children who survive their treacherous mountain escape. He wants to build another school. After watching the movie “Children of the Himalayas” I had tears in my eyes. If you haven’t seen it, it portrays a group of children during their flight. The youngest were between 6 and 8 years old. They are interviewed and some are crying as they explain that their mothers sent them away, knowing that it was their only chance to get a good education - so that they may come back to Tibet some day and help change it. Imagine how great a mother’s love is to be willing to entrust her child to someone else, knowing she may never see him again, in the hope that he will have a good life. It is heartbreaking. Collecting for the new school is my next project.

There are millions of AIDS orphans in Africa. I knew there were orphans because a series of concerts here is set up, from which the proceeds are given to help them. But it wasn’t until a friend told me about the book she is reading on this subject that I realized the proportion of the problem and what large numbers are involved.

However, one doesn’t need to look so far. On the local level, there are family tragedies, houses burn down, parents die, long-term unemployment, long-term illness, and there is so much hardship.

There is also a completely different approach. Those of us who live in abundance can cut back on consumerism. Avoid packaging when possible, live more simply, be more frugal with the planet’s resources. Just because many of us can afford more, doesn’t mean we have to consume and waste. Turn off the lights, combine errands if you need the car. Actually, my bad housekeeping becomes a virtue: I don’t use much liquid cleaner, don’t vacuum more than necessary, collect the dirty laundry to fill the machine, and make sure the dishwasher is also full before turning it on. You can take advantage of the oven or stove staying hot and turn it off a few minutes sooner.

These are just ideas off the top of my head. There is plenty to do - on a small scale, and on a large scale. A bit of creativity and awareness will show the way.

Written by Anonymous